You can't be serious?

Ok folks, today we are going to discuss friendship.  I guess this word could mean something different to everyone.  Some think that friendship is something that comes naturally because you have known somewhere for a long period of time.  But in reality friendship is something that takes dedication and work.  True friends are always there for you no matter what.  They are the ear that you need when you have something important to say.  They are the shoulder to lean on when you don't feel strong.  But most of all there are there to support you in good times and bad times.  Recently I have noticed that the people I have considered to be friends are just a facade.  See true friendship is a two way street.  You have to be the friend that you would want to have in your life.  So it's crazy to me that the majority of people I consider to be friends are nothing like me.  I don't know about other people but personally I am overly attentive to my friends.  Always there when they need someone to take to, always there when they needed a helping hand and always supportive of their decisions whether right or wrong in my mind.  In my eyes a real and true blue friend will not try and make you out to be wrong, they will not try and make you feel stupid if they don't agree with you and most importantly they will never lose their friendship for a relationship.  Nowadays I find that friends fade away when they get into a relationship.  It's sad to me that people cannot separate their time between friends and significant others.

Reality as Fiction part 3

I woke up with a pounding headache.  Still in my super expensive dress, make up still on and false eyelashes hanging on by a thread.  My hair smelled of cigarettes and weed.  I looked around my hotel room wondering what the hell had happened the night before.  I stumbled out of the bed and walked into the bathroom.  My cell phone was on the counter and clearly the battery had died.  I splashed some water on my face, changed into some sweats and headed into the second room of my suite.  My sister was still passed out on the bed and Deann was sound asleep on the couch.  The room was dark and I had no idea what time of day it was.  I started a pot of coffee and jumped into the shower.  Fifteen minutes later I had washed of all the dirt and sweat of the night before and even though my brain felt as if it was trying to escape from my skull, I felt a little refreshed.  I walked out onto the balcony with my cup of coffee and sat down.  The last thing I had remembered about last night was the three of us dancing in VIP inside some random Scottsdale nightclub.  We had been club hopping all over that night and with all the bottle service we had I obviously took the drinking overboard.  I heard my phone going crazy in the other room.  I had put it on the charger and now I was receiving all the messages and voicemails that had been left when my phone was dead.  I walked into the bedroom and picked it up.  I had ten text messages all from the same person.  I didn’t recognize the number.  But they were all wondering where I was and why did I leave the club so soon.  I sent a text message in reply asking who it was.  There was a rustling coming from the living room.  I looked around the corner and saw my sister looking like death himself.  I laughed and threw a pillow at her.

“Come on Lauren. Don’t do that. I feel like crap.”

I laughed again. “Do you want some coffee or do you just wanna order some food?”  She ignored my question and walked into her bathroom.  I heard the shower turn on so I figured she was getting ready for the day.  My phone vibrated and I had received a text message.  

“What do you mean who is this? Damn u forgot bout your folks so quick?” it said.

I smiled and my heart fluttered a little.  I knew exactly who it was.  It was my long lost friend slash secret lover Wade.  I hadn’t heard from him in years.  He must’ve been at the same club as us last night.  I sent him a message back telling him what hotel I was staying at and to meet me for lunch around noon.  I sat back and tried to think of a plan for my lunch date.  I couldn’t let Deann know that I was going with Wade.  She didn’t really know all that had happened between him and I and seeing as how they have a child together, I didn’t want to make things between the three of us weird.  She did know that I used to see him and that we used to be together all the time.  But I never did tell her to the extent how him and I felt about each other.  I sat back on my bed and turned on the TV. I flipped to the weather channel just to see what the day was looking like.  I pulled my digital camera out of my purse and wondered if the pictures could give me any insight on what happened the night before.  The very first picture was the last one of the night. And as blurry as it was I could tell it was me, Deann, Maricela, my best friend Lynn and 4 familiar men’s faces.  I could not believe that the young boys that I used to know had turned into grown men.  There were the faces of Bogie, Lavell, Wade and Raymon.  In the past these four men were inseparable.  I had not seen them all together for many years so you could imagine my surprise when this picture showed up on my camera.  For the moment I put the camera aside and noticed that it was already 11 in the morning.  In one hour I was supposed to be meeting Wade.  

I frantically got ready for my lunch date.  It had been at least a year or so that I had this feeling.  My stomach was overcome with nervousness.  I’m not sure if I was anxious due to the fact that I hadn’t seen him in awhile or if it was because I knew in my heart I was still in love with him.  The elevator ride felt like the longest ride of my life.  As I grew closer to the restaurant the butterflies in my stomach became more and more frantic.  I turned the corner and there he was.  His back was to me but I knew right away it was him.  I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, looked me up and down and just smiled.  We hugged for an unmeasurable amount of time.  Nothing needed to be said.

As we sat and ate lunch we laughed and talked like the old friends we were.  We had both tried to stay clear of anything that would lead to the topic of our broken relationship.  Towards the end of the meal he and I both knew that talking about our past was at this point inevitable.  

“So, I won’t beat around the bush.  Tell me the truth.  Why did you leave the way you did?” I started off the topic by getting straight to the point.  I know if I didn’t ask one of the hardest questions first then we would never get anywhere.   The smile disappeared from his face and he looked down at the table.  I could see the regret written all over his face.  Slowly he raised his head, looked me dead in the eyes and said,

“It just got so hard.  Seemed as though I wasn’t really what you wanted me to be.  I wasn’t ready to change.  But the real question is, why didn’t you stop me from leaving?”

I truly wasn’t ready for that question.  How am I capable of stopping someone from doing what they wanted to do?  I was quiet for a lot longer than I wanted to be but I really wasn’t sure how  I was going to answer his question.  

Finally I replied, “I didn’t know how to stop you or how to get you back.  Honestly I was more consumed with confusion than anything else.  Everything seemed perfect.  I really didn’t know that you felt the way you did.”

On and on this conversation went.  I got out everything I needed to say to him I never got to.  He said everything he always thought but never spoke about.  All and all it was the best meal I had eaten in months.  He walked me back to my room and I invited him in.  All the while I had forgotten about his baby mother sleeping on the couch.  We walked in and instantly things changed.  Deann looked at Wade then looked at me.  I couldn’t tell whether it was a look of surprise or a look anger.  She stood up.  Put on her shoes, grabbed her purse and left.  I followed her out the door and yelled to her.  She turned around and came walking back to me.

“What Lauren! What do you want?  I thought it was over with you two.  Why is he here and why on Earth would you bring him back to this room?  I told you that your break up really hurt our son.  He was attached to you!  Now here you are dragging this relationship on.  I wash my hands of you.”  Then she turned and walked away.

I stood stuck in the same spot, dumbfounded.  Wade walked up behind me and just put his hand on my shoulder.  He leaned down and kissed my cheek then whispered in my ear, 

“No matter what any one may say to you or I, then will never know the love we have for one another.  You will always be the love of life.”

Once again Wade saved the day.  He had always known what to say to make me feel special and happy.  

Do People Every Really Change?

I've been having this dilemma lately.  There are people in my life that I've told to go away and then let them back in time and time again.   I keep hoping that maybe they have changed like they say they have.  Yet I am almost always disappointed to see that nothing has changed and I am again the sucker.  If there is a pattern in your life where people are constantly telling you that they need to be away from you what do you think the common denominator is?  I know that I have made some changes to myself over the years because I saw a pattern that I wasn't to happy to keep on living.  Now here I am stuck into another pattern. Am I a fool for thinking and believing that people can actually change the person that they are?  I have friends who think I'm stupid for being friends with my ex boyfriend after all that he and I had been through.  But you know if I can't forgive the people who truly hurt me then what is the point of forgiveness?  For all you church goers, aren't we always taught that Jesus forgives us all for everything we do?  All the religious people of the world are aspiring to be like Jesus (or whichever deity they pray to) so why can't forgiveness be the first step?  I will always give someone the benefit of the doubt.  I will allow them back into my life slowly and see how that goes.  As of now the ex that I befriended again has only shown me the side of him that I fell for in the first place.  Maybe because I'm in a different forgiving stage in my life.  But point of the matter is that I feel he may have actually changed the way he and I interact.  No more fighting, no more arguing and no more hurting each others feelings on purpose.  Am I fool to think that he's different?  Or is this all a facade because he needs something?  I would hate to go around thinking that people are only treating me nice because they want something from me.  To me that sounds like a sad way to view the world and to a sad way to view others.