BDBM Syndrome

Seems that there is a trend within my generation that has been increasing over the past 10 years or so. Let's call in the BDBM (Baby Daddy Baby Momma) Syndrome. Young men and women are having sex without protection. Many times this results in the impregnation of the young woman. Now the man and woman are not necessarily in a relationship. Hell sometimes they may not even know the others last name. But nonetheless when it's all said and done, a child results from this "relationship." And please believe me I use the term relationship loosely in this case.

To get further into the topic let me break down the whole BDBM definition. A man's "baby momma" is a woman who has birthed his child or children but they are not in a romantic relationship. So it's easy to guess a woman's "baby daddy" is one in the same. Now the trend is deeper than men and women having children out of wedlock or love or whatever. The bigger issue is how the passion that was once between the two parents (or maybe there wasn't any passion), is gone and hatred settles in.

Too many times we hear men complaining about their baby momma and women complaining about their baby daddy. I have more than an issue with this. Yes it is safe to say that all relationships do not end amicably. Break ups hurt and hearts get broken. But when you have a child with that person you have to put your personal feelings aside so they do not get in the way of the upbringing of the child. Ladies stop telling your BD he can't see his child until he pays you child support. A man should not have to pay to see his child. If he wants to be in their life then let him. There are too many men already that don't want to take care of the children they are producing so why stop one that wants to be there? Don't get me wrong there are always exceptions to the rules. If you let your BD see your child just as much as you see them then there would be no need for child support. He would support the child when they were with him and you would support the child when they were with you.

Now men. Stop getting upset with your BM when she starts dating another man. If you two are not together then it is really not your place to tell her who she can and can't date. If all you want to be is a BD then stay in your lane. The same also applies to women .You cannot get mad at your BD if he has a girlfriend. How and when the new partner meets the child should be discussed between the parents. I have so many friends that use the BDBM syndrome as an excuse to just keep that person in their daily lives.  But honestly, is arguing and being upset all the time with one person really worth it? Does it really set a good example for the children?

To wrap this up let's review:
1. Start using protection! Condoms, birth control, diaphragm.... JUST USE SOMETHING!
2. If a child is conceived come to some type of friendly arrangement with the other parent.
3. Do not argue over money unless it is necessary. And ladies if you are going to be calling the father every single time you need a diaper, a bottle or a wipe then you were too broke to have a child in the first place. Or vice versa to you men.
4. A child is a human being, not a way to get: revenge, love, sympathy, comfort or any other emotional feeling.
5. Do not get jealous of the other parent when they begin to date someone new. You are not together so do not start to argue.

Children are expensive. They require a lot of time, money and attention. Being a parent is not for play. This is real life and unless you are ready to bring another human being into this world and be part in raising that child to be an adult then don't get pregnant. Pregnancy is avoidable. Be smart when it comes to sex. It can be very fun and exciting but it's not something to be taken too lightly.


I don't have children so it's obvious I don't have a BD. But I have dated men that have children. It's not always easy. I've known my ex for almost 10 years and never once have I met his children. I understand that a woman doesn't want just any person around her child and men feel the same way. So, when is the time then? I've always wondered when do people with children decide it's ok to meet the new love of their lives? I guess it is different for everyone. When something like children are involved things can get complicated for everyone in the situation. A new life affects more than the person carrying it.

Patience is a virtue

She may love him but he's in love with another her
May not be the best
But she bout to bless him with his first
So she'll sit around hoping it won't last
Cause when they call it quits
She by his side in a flash
Back before it was all about the women and the cash
But new daddy figured out
There's more to life than some ass
One day he'll realize that patience is a virtue
And that chick that waited patient will be the one to always love you

Poetry time for BFF

Was thinking about how strong my best friend is being during a hard time in her life.  Then I found a poem I had wrote when I was in high school and I really think it's perfect for her.  So this little poem is for my BFF and hopefully will make her smile.




It wasn't a stereotype rainy day
No clouds were in the way.
The thunder didn't roll,
The lighting didn't strike
The day you walked away,
The sun was shining bright.
The birds they were chirping,
It was like I was in the dark
but now all the lights are working.
Never breathed so deep
Never smiled so wide
All the weight is off my shoulders
I came back from the dark side.


Saying goodbye to all the lonely nights
Saying goodbye to the pain I held inside.
No more you and me.
No more us.
No more we,
No more fuss.
No more fighting night and day
No more feeling my life fade away.
Saying goodbye to you and me
Saying goodbye to the thing called we.

Foggy Nights

The fog may have been thick
And I didn't have my glasses
Was flying down the highway
Not able to see the exits that passed us.
Unsure if we're on the right path
Or if we're going in circles
Confused and Disillusioned
Smashed on the throttle
Faster and faster flying through the unknown
Where we'll end up
Well.... nobody knows.
What's ahead can only be better
Cause what we left behind us,
That's nothing but bad weather.

Forever Forest (A little poetry)

Black rivers over white hills with brown bushes along the banks.
These woods are so familiar
Because I walk them everyday.
The last leaf has fallen from the branches.
The forest floor is covered with maroon and grey.
Strange shadows cast in front of me
By the slowly fading rays.
These woods are so familiar
Because I walk them everyday.
My footprints leave no trail
My path goes array
Stranded in this falling forest
Unable to get away.
There is a darkness cascading upon the canopy
The sky no longer above.
I can look up to the heavens
Only just to shrug
Find a place to calm my feet
Unable to finish the trek
These woods are so familiar
Because these are where I rest.

R U Ready for some FOOTBALL???

So, I know everyone is excited for the start of the NFL regular season tonight... BUT, personally I'm more excited for the ASU vs. Missouri game tomorrow night! Ok it may sound silly but it will be my first football game as an actual university student lol.  So I say to all you football fans out there wish your team luck but... my team is a force to be reckoned with! FEAR THE FORK! lmao...

I'm OUT! 

Middle Child

It's well known that the first born baby in a family is a major event.  The parents fill out a baby book, take hundreds and hundreds of pictures, record every second of the child's life and fawn over that child for a very long time.  As the couple has more children the excitement starts to wear off.  But in a family if you're not the first born and you're not the baby don't you seem to get lost somewhere in the middle??  From personal experience I know this is the truth.  I was the baby for 10 years and then came my little brother.   A few years later I had another brother.  Now I had a older brother, an older sister and 2 younger brothers.  Here I was stuck in the middle.

I was the only child to live with my mother.  We all have the same dad but different mothers.  So at moms I was like an only child.  But me and mom were not as well off as my 3 brothers and sister who lived with my dad.  Growing up I was the average kid.  I didn't wear fancy name brand clothes, I didn't get a car on my 16th birthday and I started working when I was 15.  I got good grades in school and stayed out of trouble.  Here comes the dilemma, at 16 my little brother and older sister both got cars for their birthday.  If my brothers ask for it they get it.  If my sister asks for it she gets it plus some.  If I ask for something.......... I get a look, a lecture and then a hesitant yes or a fast no.  OK OK I know I sound like a spoiled brat but what is it with parents?  Why must parents treat their kids differently?  They are always saying that they won't play favorites yet their actions are different from their words.  Sometimes I wish I had a different child hood and I was the oldest, the baby or just an only child.  

Then there are the middle children like myself who not only have their parents in their lives but also their step parents.  I have had a stepmother since I was 7 years old.  My two little brothers are the product of my father and stepmother.  Now we have the issues of stepparents.   The original parent wants to do for their child from a previous marriage but the new parent has to be consulted first.  This tends to cause problems because the new parent thinks that their children from this marriage should come first before anything.  So the stepmother that I have known damn near my whole life still thinks of me as "his daughter:"  I think that a mandatory class should be taken by women or men that are going to marry someone who has children from a previous relationship.  If you cannot except this child as your own then you have no business being in that child's life.  

I guess this issue can also be applied to life in general.  You can be the first born: the one that everyone remembers first, the one that set the precedent for everyone after them and the one that is spoiled beyond belief.  You can be the baby:  the one that is always right now matter if they're wrong, the one that does whatever he/she wants and the one that gets everything they have ever asked for.  Or you can be the middle child:  the one that gets lost in the crowd, the one that isn't the first and isn't last but is just there, the one that could be exceptional but no one notices.  The only difference is in life we can choose what child we want to be but in family, you are what you are.  

Start Over?

High school seems like an eternity ago.  Granted it has almost been a decade for me (look at me showing my age lol) but still some things seem like they happened yesterday.  For some high school was the time of their lives.  The star athlete, the head cheerleader and the popular kid all remember high school fondly.    But do those people ever think what HS was like for the loner, the academic or the kid who was constantly picked on?  Personally I hated every second of high school.  The classes were far too easy, the students were beyond immature and I just never felt like I fit in.  So as a consequence I did whatever I could to get out of the place ASAP.  I took all honors classes and then I decided since I had enough credits I would just go ahead and skip my junior year.  OH BOY was that a mistake!  I was 17 years old, a high school graduate and I could not get into a university.  SMH.  If I could do it all over again I sure the hell would.  Going from high school straight to a community college is like being a 5th year senior.  Yes I was in college but at the same time everyone that took the easy road like me was at the same community college.  I was in such a rush to leave HS that I didn't stop to think what it would do to my future.  It took me almost 7 years to realize that I did want a college education.  Now I'm a junior and finally at a university and man, I feel so old!  I know that there are people in their 40's and 50's still in college but I think I'm just upset with myself for procrastinating for so many years.  

I'm not sure if it's the American dream, but isn't a true college experience something that everyone feels they should take part in?  I see these 18 and 19 year old kids walking around on campus and I think to myself "That should have been me."  I never got to go away to school, live in the dorms or join a sorority if I wanted.  I feel like my late teens and early 20's flew past me.  Sometimes I wonder if other people my age or older ever feel this way?  Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited and proud of myself that I did come back to get my degree.  But if I could do it all over again..... YOU BET YOUR ASS I WOULD! 

You should stop frontin' babe

We all know the type, the person that "exaggerates" their lives, their jobs and everything about them.  Then we all know the types that flat out lie about everything around them.  It's a sad day when you can count more people frontin' then the ones who actual are honest.  I understand that sometimes you wanna try and impress people or you want certain people to like you. But should you have to compromise your integrity to be likeable?  I could care less if you have a car, money or a nice house.  If you are a good person and I get along with you then we will be friends no matter what.  Personally I can think of one person in particular who fronts the most.  This person, lets call them "X", is an especially serious compulsive liar.  When X and I are out on the town, X has the tendency to lie to every new person we meet.  X may start with a small lie like name and age.  Then the lies grow.  Now X is lying about place of residence, type of car, job even where X is from.  It boggles my mind that anyone would want to start a new friendship or even relationship that is based upon lies.  When people find out that you are lying about the simplest things, they assume that you are lying all the time.  See since I see that X lies to people we don't even know, then isn't it safe to assume that X lies to me?  It really can't be that bad to just be yourself.  If you're broke, be broke.  If you live with your mom, then tell that girl you live with your mom.  If you don't have a car, don't have a job and you don't take care of your kids then just fess up.  People respond much more positively to the truth then they do lies.  Yes lies may seem easier at first but in the long run they ruin everything.  

Then you have the people who are just plain frontin to look cool.  Those are not your jewels, that is not your money and that is not your car.  Why pretend to have something that you don't?  People need to start being proud of who they are.  Yes I live alone but guess what I don't own the home I live in.  I have a 1995 Toyota camry with a door handle missing, duct tape on the headlight and 2 missing hubcaps.  I do not have designer clothes or handbags.  But guess what?  I'm happy with who I am.  What I do have is an education, a job, a car that gets me from point a to point b, a roof over my head and I always have enough to eat.  If people don't like me because I'm not rich, flashy or over the top then I don't want those people in my life.  Start thinking more of yourself people.  Forget what the next person has or what they expect you to have.  In the long run just STOP FRONTIN'! 

You can't be serious?

Ok folks, today we are going to discuss friendship.  I guess this word could mean something different to everyone.  Some think that friendship is something that comes naturally because you have known somewhere for a long period of time.  But in reality friendship is something that takes dedication and work.  True friends are always there for you no matter what.  They are the ear that you need when you have something important to say.  They are the shoulder to lean on when you don't feel strong.  But most of all there are there to support you in good times and bad times.  Recently I have noticed that the people I have considered to be friends are just a facade.  See true friendship is a two way street.  You have to be the friend that you would want to have in your life.  So it's crazy to me that the majority of people I consider to be friends are nothing like me.  I don't know about other people but personally I am overly attentive to my friends.  Always there when they need someone to take to, always there when they needed a helping hand and always supportive of their decisions whether right or wrong in my mind.  In my eyes a real and true blue friend will not try and make you out to be wrong, they will not try and make you feel stupid if they don't agree with you and most importantly they will never lose their friendship for a relationship.  Nowadays I find that friends fade away when they get into a relationship.  It's sad to me that people cannot separate their time between friends and significant others.