Forever Forest (A little poetry)

Black rivers over white hills with brown bushes along the banks.
These woods are so familiar
Because I walk them everyday.
The last leaf has fallen from the branches.
The forest floor is covered with maroon and grey.
Strange shadows cast in front of me
By the slowly fading rays.
These woods are so familiar
Because I walk them everyday.
My footprints leave no trail
My path goes array
Stranded in this falling forest
Unable to get away.
There is a darkness cascading upon the canopy
The sky no longer above.
I can look up to the heavens
Only just to shrug
Find a place to calm my feet
Unable to finish the trek
These woods are so familiar
Because these are where I rest.

R U Ready for some FOOTBALL???

So, I know everyone is excited for the start of the NFL regular season tonight... BUT, personally I'm more excited for the ASU vs. Missouri game tomorrow night! Ok it may sound silly but it will be my first football game as an actual university student lol.  So I say to all you football fans out there wish your team luck but... my team is a force to be reckoned with! FEAR THE FORK! lmao...

I'm OUT! 

Middle Child

It's well known that the first born baby in a family is a major event.  The parents fill out a baby book, take hundreds and hundreds of pictures, record every second of the child's life and fawn over that child for a very long time.  As the couple has more children the excitement starts to wear off.  But in a family if you're not the first born and you're not the baby don't you seem to get lost somewhere in the middle??  From personal experience I know this is the truth.  I was the baby for 10 years and then came my little brother.   A few years later I had another brother.  Now I had a older brother, an older sister and 2 younger brothers.  Here I was stuck in the middle.

I was the only child to live with my mother.  We all have the same dad but different mothers.  So at moms I was like an only child.  But me and mom were not as well off as my 3 brothers and sister who lived with my dad.  Growing up I was the average kid.  I didn't wear fancy name brand clothes, I didn't get a car on my 16th birthday and I started working when I was 15.  I got good grades in school and stayed out of trouble.  Here comes the dilemma, at 16 my little brother and older sister both got cars for their birthday.  If my brothers ask for it they get it.  If my sister asks for it she gets it plus some.  If I ask for something.......... I get a look, a lecture and then a hesitant yes or a fast no.  OK OK I know I sound like a spoiled brat but what is it with parents?  Why must parents treat their kids differently?  They are always saying that they won't play favorites yet their actions are different from their words.  Sometimes I wish I had a different child hood and I was the oldest, the baby or just an only child.  

Then there are the middle children like myself who not only have their parents in their lives but also their step parents.  I have had a stepmother since I was 7 years old.  My two little brothers are the product of my father and stepmother.  Now we have the issues of stepparents.   The original parent wants to do for their child from a previous marriage but the new parent has to be consulted first.  This tends to cause problems because the new parent thinks that their children from this marriage should come first before anything.  So the stepmother that I have known damn near my whole life still thinks of me as "his daughter:"  I think that a mandatory class should be taken by women or men that are going to marry someone who has children from a previous relationship.  If you cannot except this child as your own then you have no business being in that child's life.  

I guess this issue can also be applied to life in general.  You can be the first born: the one that everyone remembers first, the one that set the precedent for everyone after them and the one that is spoiled beyond belief.  You can be the baby:  the one that is always right now matter if they're wrong, the one that does whatever he/she wants and the one that gets everything they have ever asked for.  Or you can be the middle child:  the one that gets lost in the crowd, the one that isn't the first and isn't last but is just there, the one that could be exceptional but no one notices.  The only difference is in life we can choose what child we want to be but in family, you are what you are.  

Start Over?

High school seems like an eternity ago.  Granted it has almost been a decade for me (look at me showing my age lol) but still some things seem like they happened yesterday.  For some high school was the time of their lives.  The star athlete, the head cheerleader and the popular kid all remember high school fondly.    But do those people ever think what HS was like for the loner, the academic or the kid who was constantly picked on?  Personally I hated every second of high school.  The classes were far too easy, the students were beyond immature and I just never felt like I fit in.  So as a consequence I did whatever I could to get out of the place ASAP.  I took all honors classes and then I decided since I had enough credits I would just go ahead and skip my junior year.  OH BOY was that a mistake!  I was 17 years old, a high school graduate and I could not get into a university.  SMH.  If I could do it all over again I sure the hell would.  Going from high school straight to a community college is like being a 5th year senior.  Yes I was in college but at the same time everyone that took the easy road like me was at the same community college.  I was in such a rush to leave HS that I didn't stop to think what it would do to my future.  It took me almost 7 years to realize that I did want a college education.  Now I'm a junior and finally at a university and man, I feel so old!  I know that there are people in their 40's and 50's still in college but I think I'm just upset with myself for procrastinating for so many years.  

I'm not sure if it's the American dream, but isn't a true college experience something that everyone feels they should take part in?  I see these 18 and 19 year old kids walking around on campus and I think to myself "That should have been me."  I never got to go away to school, live in the dorms or join a sorority if I wanted.  I feel like my late teens and early 20's flew past me.  Sometimes I wonder if other people my age or older ever feel this way?  Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited and proud of myself that I did come back to get my degree.  But if I could do it all over again..... YOU BET YOUR ASS I WOULD! 

You should stop frontin' babe

We all know the type, the person that "exaggerates" their lives, their jobs and everything about them.  Then we all know the types that flat out lie about everything around them.  It's a sad day when you can count more people frontin' then the ones who actual are honest.  I understand that sometimes you wanna try and impress people or you want certain people to like you. But should you have to compromise your integrity to be likeable?  I could care less if you have a car, money or a nice house.  If you are a good person and I get along with you then we will be friends no matter what.  Personally I can think of one person in particular who fronts the most.  This person, lets call them "X", is an especially serious compulsive liar.  When X and I are out on the town, X has the tendency to lie to every new person we meet.  X may start with a small lie like name and age.  Then the lies grow.  Now X is lying about place of residence, type of car, job even where X is from.  It boggles my mind that anyone would want to start a new friendship or even relationship that is based upon lies.  When people find out that you are lying about the simplest things, they assume that you are lying all the time.  See since I see that X lies to people we don't even know, then isn't it safe to assume that X lies to me?  It really can't be that bad to just be yourself.  If you're broke, be broke.  If you live with your mom, then tell that girl you live with your mom.  If you don't have a car, don't have a job and you don't take care of your kids then just fess up.  People respond much more positively to the truth then they do lies.  Yes lies may seem easier at first but in the long run they ruin everything.  

Then you have the people who are just plain frontin to look cool.  Those are not your jewels, that is not your money and that is not your car.  Why pretend to have something that you don't?  People need to start being proud of who they are.  Yes I live alone but guess what I don't own the home I live in.  I have a 1995 Toyota camry with a door handle missing, duct tape on the headlight and 2 missing hubcaps.  I do not have designer clothes or handbags.  But guess what?  I'm happy with who I am.  What I do have is an education, a job, a car that gets me from point a to point b, a roof over my head and I always have enough to eat.  If people don't like me because I'm not rich, flashy or over the top then I don't want those people in my life.  Start thinking more of yourself people.  Forget what the next person has or what they expect you to have.  In the long run just STOP FRONTIN'! 

You can't be serious?

Ok folks, today we are going to discuss friendship.  I guess this word could mean something different to everyone.  Some think that friendship is something that comes naturally because you have known somewhere for a long period of time.  But in reality friendship is something that takes dedication and work.  True friends are always there for you no matter what.  They are the ear that you need when you have something important to say.  They are the shoulder to lean on when you don't feel strong.  But most of all there are there to support you in good times and bad times.  Recently I have noticed that the people I have considered to be friends are just a facade.  See true friendship is a two way street.  You have to be the friend that you would want to have in your life.  So it's crazy to me that the majority of people I consider to be friends are nothing like me.  I don't know about other people but personally I am overly attentive to my friends.  Always there when they need someone to take to, always there when they needed a helping hand and always supportive of their decisions whether right or wrong in my mind.  In my eyes a real and true blue friend will not try and make you out to be wrong, they will not try and make you feel stupid if they don't agree with you and most importantly they will never lose their friendship for a relationship.  Nowadays I find that friends fade away when they get into a relationship.  It's sad to me that people cannot separate their time between friends and significant others.

Reality as Fiction part 3

I woke up with a pounding headache.  Still in my super expensive dress, make up still on and false eyelashes hanging on by a thread.  My hair smelled of cigarettes and weed.  I looked around my hotel room wondering what the hell had happened the night before.  I stumbled out of the bed and walked into the bathroom.  My cell phone was on the counter and clearly the battery had died.  I splashed some water on my face, changed into some sweats and headed into the second room of my suite.  My sister was still passed out on the bed and Deann was sound asleep on the couch.  The room was dark and I had no idea what time of day it was.  I started a pot of coffee and jumped into the shower.  Fifteen minutes later I had washed of all the dirt and sweat of the night before and even though my brain felt as if it was trying to escape from my skull, I felt a little refreshed.  I walked out onto the balcony with my cup of coffee and sat down.  The last thing I had remembered about last night was the three of us dancing in VIP inside some random Scottsdale nightclub.  We had been club hopping all over that night and with all the bottle service we had I obviously took the drinking overboard.  I heard my phone going crazy in the other room.  I had put it on the charger and now I was receiving all the messages and voicemails that had been left when my phone was dead.  I walked into the bedroom and picked it up.  I had ten text messages all from the same person.  I didn’t recognize the number.  But they were all wondering where I was and why did I leave the club so soon.  I sent a text message in reply asking who it was.  There was a rustling coming from the living room.  I looked around the corner and saw my sister looking like death himself.  I laughed and threw a pillow at her.

“Come on Lauren. Don’t do that. I feel like crap.”

I laughed again. “Do you want some coffee or do you just wanna order some food?”  She ignored my question and walked into her bathroom.  I heard the shower turn on so I figured she was getting ready for the day.  My phone vibrated and I had received a text message.  

“What do you mean who is this? Damn u forgot bout your folks so quick?” it said.

I smiled and my heart fluttered a little.  I knew exactly who it was.  It was my long lost friend slash secret lover Wade.  I hadn’t heard from him in years.  He must’ve been at the same club as us last night.  I sent him a message back telling him what hotel I was staying at and to meet me for lunch around noon.  I sat back and tried to think of a plan for my lunch date.  I couldn’t let Deann know that I was going with Wade.  She didn’t really know all that had happened between him and I and seeing as how they have a child together, I didn’t want to make things between the three of us weird.  She did know that I used to see him and that we used to be together all the time.  But I never did tell her to the extent how him and I felt about each other.  I sat back on my bed and turned on the TV. I flipped to the weather channel just to see what the day was looking like.  I pulled my digital camera out of my purse and wondered if the pictures could give me any insight on what happened the night before.  The very first picture was the last one of the night. And as blurry as it was I could tell it was me, Deann, Maricela, my best friend Lynn and 4 familiar men’s faces.  I could not believe that the young boys that I used to know had turned into grown men.  There were the faces of Bogie, Lavell, Wade and Raymon.  In the past these four men were inseparable.  I had not seen them all together for many years so you could imagine my surprise when this picture showed up on my camera.  For the moment I put the camera aside and noticed that it was already 11 in the morning.  In one hour I was supposed to be meeting Wade.  

I frantically got ready for my lunch date.  It had been at least a year or so that I had this feeling.  My stomach was overcome with nervousness.  I’m not sure if I was anxious due to the fact that I hadn’t seen him in awhile or if it was because I knew in my heart I was still in love with him.  The elevator ride felt like the longest ride of my life.  As I grew closer to the restaurant the butterflies in my stomach became more and more frantic.  I turned the corner and there he was.  His back was to me but I knew right away it was him.  I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, looked me up and down and just smiled.  We hugged for an unmeasurable amount of time.  Nothing needed to be said.

As we sat and ate lunch we laughed and talked like the old friends we were.  We had both tried to stay clear of anything that would lead to the topic of our broken relationship.  Towards the end of the meal he and I both knew that talking about our past was at this point inevitable.  

“So, I won’t beat around the bush.  Tell me the truth.  Why did you leave the way you did?” I started off the topic by getting straight to the point.  I know if I didn’t ask one of the hardest questions first then we would never get anywhere.   The smile disappeared from his face and he looked down at the table.  I could see the regret written all over his face.  Slowly he raised his head, looked me dead in the eyes and said,

“It just got so hard.  Seemed as though I wasn’t really what you wanted me to be.  I wasn’t ready to change.  But the real question is, why didn’t you stop me from leaving?”

I truly wasn’t ready for that question.  How am I capable of stopping someone from doing what they wanted to do?  I was quiet for a lot longer than I wanted to be but I really wasn’t sure how  I was going to answer his question.  

Finally I replied, “I didn’t know how to stop you or how to get you back.  Honestly I was more consumed with confusion than anything else.  Everything seemed perfect.  I really didn’t know that you felt the way you did.”

On and on this conversation went.  I got out everything I needed to say to him I never got to.  He said everything he always thought but never spoke about.  All and all it was the best meal I had eaten in months.  He walked me back to my room and I invited him in.  All the while I had forgotten about his baby mother sleeping on the couch.  We walked in and instantly things changed.  Deann looked at Wade then looked at me.  I couldn’t tell whether it was a look of surprise or a look anger.  She stood up.  Put on her shoes, grabbed her purse and left.  I followed her out the door and yelled to her.  She turned around and came walking back to me.

“What Lauren! What do you want?  I thought it was over with you two.  Why is he here and why on Earth would you bring him back to this room?  I told you that your break up really hurt our son.  He was attached to you!  Now here you are dragging this relationship on.  I wash my hands of you.”  Then she turned and walked away.

I stood stuck in the same spot, dumbfounded.  Wade walked up behind me and just put his hand on my shoulder.  He leaned down and kissed my cheek then whispered in my ear, 

“No matter what any one may say to you or I, then will never know the love we have for one another.  You will always be the love of life.”

Once again Wade saved the day.  He had always known what to say to make me feel special and happy.  

Do People Every Really Change?

I've been having this dilemma lately.  There are people in my life that I've told to go away and then let them back in time and time again.   I keep hoping that maybe they have changed like they say they have.  Yet I am almost always disappointed to see that nothing has changed and I am again the sucker.  If there is a pattern in your life where people are constantly telling you that they need to be away from you what do you think the common denominator is?  I know that I have made some changes to myself over the years because I saw a pattern that I wasn't to happy to keep on living.  Now here I am stuck into another pattern. Am I a fool for thinking and believing that people can actually change the person that they are?  I have friends who think I'm stupid for being friends with my ex boyfriend after all that he and I had been through.  But you know if I can't forgive the people who truly hurt me then what is the point of forgiveness?  For all you church goers, aren't we always taught that Jesus forgives us all for everything we do?  All the religious people of the world are aspiring to be like Jesus (or whichever deity they pray to) so why can't forgiveness be the first step?  I will always give someone the benefit of the doubt.  I will allow them back into my life slowly and see how that goes.  As of now the ex that I befriended again has only shown me the side of him that I fell for in the first place.  Maybe because I'm in a different forgiving stage in my life.  But point of the matter is that I feel he may have actually changed the way he and I interact.  No more fighting, no more arguing and no more hurting each others feelings on purpose.  Am I fool to think that he's different?  Or is this all a facade because he needs something?  I would hate to go around thinking that people are only treating me nice because they want something from me.  To me that sounds like a sad way to view the world and to a sad way to view others.

You may be legal but are you right for me???

Many believe or say that age is just a number.  Sometimes we try not to discriminate against someone just because they are younger than us.  We say that we can't date someone because he or she is too young. They may not be mature enough is the though that floats through our head.  But how can we be sure that the 21 year old we met last week we be any less mature than the 31 year old we met last night?  Is age really just a number or is there some truth to the thought that maturity comes with age?  Personally I have only had one relationship were I dated a younger man and let me just say that will NEVER happen again.  I know that I shouldn't let one experience spoil the rest of the experiences that I may have.  But if you met the guy I was dating you would understand.  Maybe it was his age or maybe it was just the person he was but lying was part of his m.o.  I wonder though do men have the same feeling when it comes to dating a younger woman?  I have never had a problem with older men telling me that I was immature or that they could really tell there was a gap in our age.  So if you are over 18 does that mean that you are mature enough to date anyone older than you or is a person by person situation?  When it comes down to it does age really matter?  If I were 40 and dating a 30 year old would there really be that much of a difference in our states of maturity or do I just see the age difference because my ex is just beginning to be an adult?  Yes 21 is old enough to vote, drive, drink and pretty much do anything.  But I'm not sure that 21 is old enough to date 25 and above.  I may be biased and sound kind of stuck up but in my humble opinion a 21 year old "man" is no where near mature enough to be involved in a serious relationship with an older woman.  What are your thoughts?

Fiction as Reality Part 2

I closed the door and stood there for a second with my back against it. I was so utterly confused. Lavell was standing on the balcony of the living room. I walked out there and stood against the wall. 

"Are you surprised to see me?" He asked.

"Well of course I am. I haven't talked to you in years. It's kind of strange that you just happened to show up at my hotel room. I haven't even told my parents I was here."

He laughed and walked over to me. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me close to him. He kiss was so sweet and still filled with so much passion. He opened his eyes and smiled. The chemistry that I felt for so many years when I looked into his eyes was no longer there. It was if I was looking into an empty soul. Thank god I thought to myself. I finally accomplished the task of getting over this man. I declined Lavell's offer to go to dinner. I knew that nothing good could come from hanging around him.

I reluctantly asked Lavell to leave and astonishingly he obliged. 


I glanced at the clock and realized it was starting to get late. My sister Maricela's flight would be landing soon. I hopped in the shower just to freshen up. Underneath the flowing water I felt all my worries and thoughts being washed away. It was crazy to think that as much as I have changed, this city has stayed exactly the same. The same people were still doing the same things and acting the same way. I wasn't sure if anyone knew of the work I had been doing or the work that I was about to be doing. Either way I was happy with my life and now I just needed to be happy with myself. The soft terry cloth of the hotel robe felt warm and comforting. I rushed to fix my hair, put on my makeup and get dressed. I knew I was running late and that was going to conflict with my plan to surprise Maricela. I headed to the front desk and asked the clerk if there was a limo available. She made a quick call and within seconds there was a driver outside waiting for me. I figured if I was going to surprise my big sister why not do it the grandest way possible? I waited patiently in the limo while Dennis, the driver, got out with that wonderful sign that had my sister's name printed beautifully on the front. My sister walked out of the airport baggage claim looking like a million bucks. And as well she should since she was working with a multimillion dollar company. Dennis opened the back door for Maricela and she just smiled when she saw me. I got out and gave her a huge hug. 

"What up sis!" I yelled.

"So that's what's up huh? We just show up in a limo now? Wow. Ok superstar." 

We got back into the limo and just couldn't stop talking. We spoke on the phone all the time but it had been a few months since we had actually seen each other. My sister and I had been doing business together for almost two years now. She basically handled all the negotiations of money and contracts for me. I was the creative part and she was the business side. Royal Boogie productions had been doing very well for a small company. My sister was happy. She had plenty of money for bills, shopping and taking care of her family. The thing she loved the most was the fact she traveled all the time. The only thing she hated was that she wasn't able to take her husband and daughter on all her trips. I love having the family with us when we travel but sometimes business needs to stay business. 

We got to the hotel and I just kept having more surprises for her. I had just received a royalty check for a song I had written so I decided to splurge. I handed Maricela a box and right away she got excited.

"Oh man. You know how I love little boxes. They hold the best presents." She said. She opened it slowly as if to keep the suspense as long as possible. When she saw the 3 karat princess cut diamond studs she hugged me and said thank you. 

"You know just what to get me all the time. How do they look?" She said as she put them on.

"Wait, don't even answer that. I know they look perfect." She joked.

I told her how I had made plans for dinner with Deann and that she was going too. She didn't try and argue. We both opened our suitcases and began to search for something stunning. I called Deann as my sister got ready for dinner.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey girl it's me. So what do you say I come and pick you up in about an hour and a half? I made reservations for you, me, and Maricela."

She said ok and we hung up. I decided I'd get all dressed up just because. I had just bought a brand new Dolce and Gabana dress and these amazing Christian Loboutins. Maricela looked just as stunning in a floral Gucci dress with blue Lanvins. I thought that taking the limo for the night would not only be a good idea but at the same time would be fun.  I popped open a bottle of Dom on the way to pick up Deann. As me and my sister sipped on our champagne I told her how happy I was to have reached the level of success that we had achieved. 

Do People Still Date?

For awhile now I have not had the pleasure of being taken on a proper date.  Seems that chivalry is dead and that men no longer feel the need to woo a woman or to date them.  I think there is something wrong with my generation.  These so called men expect to come into a woman's home the very first time that they meet each other.  Personally I'm not comfortable with an almost stranger being in my house or knowing where I live.  The whole "kicking it" scenario is one that needs to be of the past.  In my experience men feel that they are tricking off on women if they take them out and pay for the bill.  Last night I had the pleasure of being taken on a real grown up date.  The man who has been a friend of mine just recently expressed that he had a romantic interest in me.  I was quite pleased and flattered at this finding.  He took me out to dinner and we had drinks.  I have never laughed so much and smiled so hard in a very long time. Its nice to see and know that there are actual real men still left in the world.  For all of you men who find it appalling to spend money on a woman you have a lot of growing up to do.  I am all for equal rights and yes I don't mind paying every so often.  But just so you know woman do enjoy being treated like a lady and shown a good time without having to lift a finger.  You men like to come home to a clean house and a warm meal, well we women like to be taken out and treated like a princess.  Get it right men if you don't treat your woman with all of this luxury from time to time there will be someone else who will...  I am living proof of that..

Men Vs. Women

Last night I was having a conversation with a male friend of mine.  We began talking about relationships and love in those relationships.  Then some how it came up in conversation that he believes if a woman he is with is making money, that the money she makes should go to him for him to keep for the couple.  Needless to say I was more than appalled by his chauvinistic attitude.  I just didn't understand why he though that he should have control of the the finances in the relationship.  He tried to explain to me that he's "the man of the relationship and what I say goes."  SMH.  I could not believe that he really thought this way.  So I dove deeper into the concept. I asked him if he and his girl were hurting for money, would he care where she got it from or just that she gave the money to him?  He replied with money is money.  Shocked once again I gave him a scenario.  I said, "Say a man was willing to give your girlfriend money for spending time with him.  Would you care if she started dating someone else along with you?"  He replied by saying, "Make that money for us.  She would just be using him and his money would be coming back to me so why would I be mad?"  See ladies this is the problem.  Men like this.  For some reason this young man feels that his girlfriend is not equal to him.  Seems that he would rather be her pimp than her lover and friend.  Why is it that men still think that they wear the pants in the relationship and therefore have the ability and right to control the relationship?  Personally I could never be with a man who thinks that he can control me and take my money.  I work hard for my money and that's why it's exactly that MY MONEY! LOL.  It's understandable that with the history that is between men and women there is still an issue of control.  But with it being 2011 and with all the advances in gender equality you would think that the men would start to understand that women are just as competent (if not more) then their male counterparts.  To me relationships should not be about who has the power but more about how the other person makes you feel.  Unfortunately many men and women are raised to believe that the man makes the decisions and that the man is the head of the household.  I think that if a man can't handle a strong woman who wants to take charge sometimes, then he isn't really a man at all.  Don't get me wrong I'm all for chivalry and I love a man that can make me feel safe.  But there is a difference in protecting you woman and controlling your woman.  The type of men that I have dealt with in past years seem to all be this chauvinistic type of male that feels his word is law.  I'm sorry to burst your bubble fellas but the only man that I have ever taken orders from is my father.  And there will never be another guy like him.  So until you can treat me and take care of me the way my father does then your word doesn't mean shit.  LOL.  Anyway, to all you men who are trying to control your girl or make her do things just to make you happy, think about this:  How would you feel if some man was treating your mother, sister, aunt or whoever you care about that way?  Don't do something that you wouldn't want done to yourself or to someone that you care about.  Remember that all actions have consequences whether negative or positive.  

Late Night Mind Wanderings

Sometimes all the words that a woman wants to hear is "I Love You." But when the words are just words with no meaning do we still want to hear them? I wonder at times do we just want to have the thought of being loved thrown out there or do we truly and deeply want to have someone love us? Unfortunately there are so many people that just throw these words around nowadays. I can't lie and say that I've never said it when I didn't mean it. I have told a few people I love them because they said it first and it was an awkward moment.  I never really used to think about love or relationships like I do now.  I'm not sure if the topics float around more in my mind now because I am older or because I alone.  Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being single.  I love being able to what I want when I want without it affecting anyone else.  I enjoy sleeping in my own bed by myself and being lazy on the weekends looking a mess if I feel like it.  Then there are those days when that bed isn't so great being all empty.  Or those Saturday nights out on the town with a bunch of rowdy twenty somethings really isn't that much fun.  Even though I'm an amazing single woman who has a lot going for her, it would be nice to have someone to come home to every now and then.  Ok, I'm not Betty Crocker nor Martha Stewart but I wouldn't mind having someone to cook for at night.  Maybe the answer to my sporadic loneliness isn't a man.  Maybe I just need a puppy. LMAO Honestly though, is it just me that wonders is it time to stop the clubbing and get serious about my life?  Maybe it is time to stop bar hopping and focus on being an adult.  I don't know anymore.  The clubs are fun and I enjoy spending time with my friends.  But then again I like being at home in the comfort of my room.  I guess there is enough time in my life to still do both.  Back to the love idea now.   Is it the words that many of us are just looking for or do we really want to be in a committed loving relationship?  Personally I'm not sure.  My ex used to tell me he loved me all the time.  This happened after one 3 or 4 weeks of dating.  I admit it was fast and for that reason I felt that it was just words and they were shallow.  Did I enjoy hearing them? OF COURSE!  It had been years since a man other than my dad had told me that he loves me.  I was basking in the thought that maybe I had actually found a guy that loves me and maybe I could love him back.  Then I realized I was a girlfriend now.  That's when the fear set in.  The phone calls started all day long asking where I was and what I was doing.  Then it's like I was a child again.  I felt as if I had to check in with my parents or I would get in trouble.  All I could think was "Is hearing I love you really worth it?"  I was making a lot of sacrifice just for a few words and a feeling they gave me when they were said.  Finally after arguing all the damn time with the kid I gave up and told him we had to go separate ways.  He swears he still loves me.  But honestly can you fall in love with someone without knowing that much about them?  Many people say that they believe in love at first sight.  But I have a feeling that its not love at first sight they are feeling but the hope that they could fall in love and maybe that person is the one they will settle for.  Well ladies and gentlemen this is one lady who is never again going to just settle.  Watch out LOVE cause I'll be watching you and all your little tricks you like to play.

Reality as Fiction part 1

I have been writing a story on and off for about a year. My fiction short story is only about 6 pages long right now but I'm trying to add on to it as much as possible. The story has some real people in my life but all the stories are fiction and slightly exaggerated. The characters are all people that I truly know in my life but of course I changed their names just to protect them. So here is the first part that I am sharing with you all.... Feel free to let me know what you like and don't like. There will be more coming soon.......ENJOY.






I looked out the window of my first class seat and smiled a little. The light brown of the desert hills and the bright blue of the sky above me shed a sense of calm over my mind. A year ago I couldn't wait to leave this state but now, well now things were different. As I put my seat back up and turned off my iPod, I realized this was it. I was really back. I wondered how much things have changed with all my old friends. I wondered if they would realize the drastic change in me. I knew cutting off everyone when I left was a bit dramatic. But at the same time it was more than necessary. Growing up in Arizona, I was always around the same people who knew the same people that knew more of the same people. It was a never ending cycle of he knows she knows. I had made some terrible mistakes in my younger days but got my act together and my courage up then moved thousands of miles away all alone. Now here I am, a shining new image of what I used to be. Before, I was so intent on coming back here just to rub it in everyone's face how successful I am. Now, I could care less. Well actually, I still want them to envy me. But no longer do I crave the desire to show off. I grabbed my carry on bag from the compartment above me, picked up my purse and headed off the plane. I didn't tell anyone I was dropping in. I wanted it to be a surprise. I made my way down to baggage claim. There was my driver. A tall lean older man dressed all in black holding a sign that said Ms. Marshall. I just couldn't help but smile and giggle a little. It was funny to think of all those times I've been in an airport and been a little bit jealous of the people who had men waiting with signs. And now here I was one of those people that I had been jealous of.
Watching the scenery pass me as we drove down I-10 I began to become a little nervous. I actually had butterflies in my stomach. Maybe it was because I was excited to see so many old faces but in my heart I knew it was because I had finally become the person I had always wanted to be. The driver dropped me off at my hotel and carried my bags inside. The woman standing behind the check in desk watched me walk in and immediately I saw a look in her eyes that seemed as though she was searching my face for familiarity.

"Welcome to the Phoenician. Are you checking in?"

I smiled took off my Gucci sunglasses and replied, "Yes. My name is Elle."

She typed a few things in on the computer.

Looked at me, smiled and said, "Ah yes here it is. Elle Levesque. Checking in today for 4 nights. The penthouse suite right?"

I nodded. Got my key for the room and headed for the elevator.
The room smelled of sweet daisies and lavender. I dropped my bags to the floor and flopped down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling trying to decide what was going to be my next move. It was a Wednesday morning in March. The cool springtime breeze was welcoming and carried the scent of the Palo Verde trees. I grabbed my laptop out of my bag and decided I'd look online to see what the nightlife was looking like for the weekend. As soon as I logged onto the internet I saw I had email. There it was. The email I was never expecting to get but at the same time I wasn't surprised to see it.

Wednesday March 11, 2011 8:45am
What's good? So you in AZ huh? You should give me a call.
- Lavell
 
I was shocked. How in the world did he know I was here? Even my own parents didn't know I was coming into town. Honestly though, I couldn't be that surprised. It's not like this was the first time it happened. Lavell and I had this relationship that was love hate. I hated how much I loved him. Although we hadn't spoke in over a 3 years and I hadn't seen him in even longer, there was still a longing in my soul for his company. Maybe it was just from all the years we spent together or maybe I was just a glutton for punishment. Nonetheless I decided to ignore the message. The purpose of this trip was not to get back into my old ways. Nor was it to light any old flames. No, this trip was about finding that piece of myself that I felt I had been missing. I called the front desk and arranged for a car. Maybe if I drove around for a little while I could clear my mind. The cute silver convertible was waiting outside for me when I walked out the front door. It would be a lovely day to drive around with the top down. Already I was feeling better.
The wind blowing through my hair and my music blasting from the speakers was pure bliss. I drove to Scottsdale and decided that I would treat myself to a pedicure. I found myself a nice little shop in the Biltmore area. The warm water on my feet and the massage chair couldn't be more relaxing. I was drifting off into a sweet little daydream when I heard one of my phones ringing from inside my purse. I was startled because although I still carried that phone with me, I hadn't used it in months. It was Anna. We used to be the best of friends but, for certain reasons I had separated myself from her. I was kind of taken aback to see her calling but at the same time I was very curious to see why.

"Hello?"

"LB! What up? How the hell you been?" she exclaimed.

"Well I have been alright. What's up with you?" I said suspiciously.

"I'm pregnant! Again. I know I know it's not really that shocking," She laughed. "But yeah I'm super excited. It's a girl. My fourth one can you believe it?"

I laughed to myself. Yeah I could believe it. It wasn't surprising to hear that she was pregnant once again. But I tried to sound enthusiastic about the situation.

"Wow congratulations." I muttered. "So is Erick excited too?"

"Oh well…" She sounded different. The happiness in her voice was lost and an awkward silence followed.

"Hello? Anna are you still there?"

"Yeah I'm sorry. This was the part that I was nervous to talk about. I am happy that I'm having a baby. And I do love the father of my child. But…."

"But what?" I said. I was worried now. Why was she being so strange and how come she's acting so mysterious?

"Well, Erick isn't the father. Actually, we broke up a few years ago after we had Victoria."

"Oh… well I'm sorry to hear that hun. What happened? Things just didn't work out?"

"Actually L, I hate to have to tell you this but Louis is the father. Ever since you left he and I have gotten closer and closer. And well, we fell in love. We're getting married after the baby is born."

I felt my heart fall out of my chest. The seat beneath me suddenly began to feel as if it was melting away. The room began to spin and the phone fell out of my hand. The Korean woman at my feet looked up and asked if I was alright. I pulled my feet out of the water and grabbed my phone from the floor. I could hear Anna trying to get my attention but all I could do is hang up the phone. I paid the woman for my half pedicure and ran out to the car. I jumped in, sat down and broke into tears. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. The only man that I have ever truly loved has impregnated the woman that for years upon years I had considered my best friend. I don't know why I thought that he would wait for me to return but at the same time I don't know why he wouldn't. I sat in the car just staring out the window. I ignored call after call on my cell phone. I probably had a million voicemails from Anna but right now I couldn't bear to talk to her. I turned off my phone and put the car into drive. Maybe a drink will ease the pain. I headed over to my friend Deann's house hoping that she would be home. I rang the doorbell like a mad woman. She opened the door and her mouth dropped open.

"Oh my god! Elle! What…what are you doing here?" She exclaimed.

"Hi. I just, I needed a friend." She looked me up and down and I know that she could see my swollen eyes and the residue of mascara on my cheeks.

"What happened sweetie? Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yes. I'll be fine. Are you busy, can you leave right now?"

"Yes of course. If you need someone I'm here for you." She smiled and hugged me.

We climbed into my car and headed towards the nearest watering hole. As we sat on the patio of Salty Senoritas I told her the whole story of Anna and Louis.

"I knew it, "She said. I knew that something was going on."

I tried to stay focused and strong. I wasn't going to let this bump in the road ruin my trip. Or the purpose of my trip. Over my fourth premium margarita, I explained to Deann that I was in town to work out some things. I asked her to keep it a secret that I was here but that later that night we would get together and go out to dinner or something. She said that I was too drunk to drive so she drove me back to my hotel room and would have her boyfriend pick her up from there. We were sitting in my room talking when there was a knock on the door. We both looked at each other and got silent. No one knew I was here. So who would be knocking on my door? I had Deann look out the peephole. She turned around quick and had a blank look on her face.

"Who is it?" I whispered.

She just walked over to me and started laughing.

"Come on girl tell me who it is?"

I got up and walked to the door. The person on the other side began knocking louder. I looked out the little peephole and couldn't believe my eyes. There he was. All six feet of him. I didn't know whether to open the door or ignore the knocks.

But then,"Elle. I can hear you. Are you gonna open the door or not?" Said the all too familiar voice.

I slowly opened the door. Deann was still laughing like a hyena when the man walked into the room. He smiled as he stepped inside, grabbed me and hugged me as tight as he could.

"How have you been? When did you get into town?" He said.

"Um I got here this morning. How did you know I was here and how on Earth did you know where I was staying?"

I asked him looking confused and sort of frightened. He looked me dead in my eyes and the smile faded from his face.

"How could I not know you were in town?"

I didn't know how to answer that question. The email I purposely avoided this morning had now taken form into reality and was standing in front of me. My stomach was turning and my mind was racing. Was I happy to see him or was I upset that he found me? Either way here he was. I just couldn't bring myself to kick him out. So I invited him to stay and hang out with me for awhile. Deann's boyfriend came and picked her up.

As she was leaving she whispered to me,"Please… Please don't fall back into that trap."

"Time to throw the bouquet! All the single ladies to the dance floor!"

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in the life of my cousin Pamela.  Today is her wedding day.  This has to be a special time for her and her future husband but this day also has me thinking about my own future.  Ironically enough I was one of those people that always thought marriage and kids was not for me. I swore that I never wanted to have children and that I never wanted to be tied down to one person for the rest of my life.  But of course I grew up.  I'm now 26 years old and feel the weight of 30 creeping up on me slowly.  I'm a sucker for romance and true love so I'm trying to prepare myself for any type of emotion that I might be feeling later on today.  It's good to know that some people still believe in the unity of marriage and that not everyone feels romance is dead.  So many people my age don't hold the same morals and traditions that I do.  No longer are the days of first comes marriage then comes baby.  Nowadays we see the baby first and luckily marriage to someone other than the child's other parent down the line.  I may seem old fashioned but doesn't it just seem easier and better for all involved if marriage comes first?  Yes, divorce does exist and marriage is not a sure thing all the time.  I come from a family of divorce but they have each found love again and remain civil with one another.  But let me say this, my parents were married for 18 years, have 2 wonderful children from that marriage and many upon many happy memories.  People (including myself) laugh at the commercials on TV for Match.com or eHarmony.  But just think, how hard is it these days to find someone serious about being married?  Personally I haven't met one guy that wants to get married any time soon.  I know that many people may think that I'm still young and should just keep having fun and I agree to a point.  I'm not in a rush to marry.  I would like to be in a long term relationship before the thought of marriage even happens.  But I can say that I don't want to just be finding true love when I'm over 35.  It would be nice to find someone within the next year or so.  Are traditional men really that hard to find nowadays?

Do you or someone you know show signs of this epidemic?

There seems to be an epidemic amongst people my age these days. Unfortunately this epidemic is rising at a rapid rate. Just because you may know someone famous or be related to someone famous does not make you yourself famous.  I know, I'm sorry to be the one that bursts your bubble but hey sometimes the truth is hard to swallow.  Personally I know many people that have been affected by this disease.  Just for an example lets call this disease "delusionalnutriderdreamosis."  People that are affected show signs of an enlarged ego, a sense of entitlement for no reason and most importantly an extreme does of arrogance.  Personally I blame shows like Basketball Wives and Football Wives for expanding the growth of the epidemic.  I know an overwhelming amount of people affected in the state of Arizona.  Many people feel a sense of entitlement due to the fact of their relatives or people they once were close to.  I just don't understand why people that are associated with celebrities feel they are celebrities themselves.  Its a conundrum to me.  I have a friend whose parents are loaded and extremely wealthy but she lives on the money she makes herself.  She is an example of a person who has not been affected. I'm not sure if she was given a antibiotic to ward off the disease but either way some people can learn from her.  Many men in my city know a so called "celebrity".  This causes sickness to my stomach.  If you have to use someone else's identification to get into a club or to get known that is just sad.  Why do people have such a hard time just being themselves?  I don't understand why anyone would want to be in the shadow of another human being just because they think it makes them look cooler.  To be honest with you it makes you look pathetic.  The funniest sign of the disease when the words, "Don't you know who my cousin/brother/sister/aunt/uncle is?" comes out of the mouth of the affected.  At this time you know the disease has set in for the long term.  The victim will no longer be themselves nor will they be healthy until they are cut off for the pseudo celebrity.  Ladies and men alike please be on high alert of this sickness.  Getting too close could cause major stomach pains and a sense of nausea.  Long exposure to these victims will eventually infect you as well.  BEWARE! Delusionalnutriderdreamosis is on the loose.  If you think you know someone that is stuck on the coattails of another person let them know you are there to help before the problem becomes too serious.  Making a name for themselves outside of the person they are running after is a good start.  If you feel an intervention is needed please call 1-800-GET-LIFE ...  

Should I Care What You Think?

In life there are always going to be people that think differently than you.  There are always going to be those people who talk about you and your decisions.  The question is are you going to let the thoughts and words of others dictate what you do in your own life?  Personally I say fuck em!  Too many times in life we let the opinions of others shape our own opinions.  This seems to happy most within circles of friends.  If a fight happens between two friends then you are automatically expected to take a side.  Both of the two in the argument will plead their cases to you and then you are expected to make a decision.  Or lets say that you are around someone who is in a bad mood.  If we become in a bad mood after being around this person we naturally blame them for our change in mood.  But honestly how can someone other than ourselves be responsible for how we feel?  I don't know about you, but I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I feel.  We focus too much on what others think these days.  We base our clothing, our language, our makeup, our choice in music and even what we eat depending on what others will say about us.  Oh no don't wear that color green!  Someone will make fun of you.  Well you know what? FUCK EM.  If they make fun of you it is out of their own insecurities.  Now I will not sit here and act like I'm innocent.  I have plenty of times made fun of others.  And I have also been the one made fun of.  I have changed my clothes just so no one would notice me.  I have also watched what I say for fear that someone would mock me.  Those days are over for me.  So why not be over for you?  If it makes you happy, DO IT.  If you're absolutely comfortable, WEAR IT!  If you think you're 100 percent right and it feels good, then SAY IT!  No longer should we base our values and opinions on those of others.  So from now on I'm on my FUCK EM theory.  You don't like what I say, do or how I act then FUCK U too. I will not apologize for feeling this way because unlike the others, I do not care what you say about me.

Sadness Strickens Tucson, Arizona

Today marks a day that will stay with many forever.  This afternoon, a young man opened fire at an event in front of a Safeway grocery store.  18 people were wounded and 6 people were pronounced dead.  Among this group of victims was Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  Giffords was shot in the head by the gunman and air lifted to the hospital.  She has since undergone brain surgery and the doctors are saying that she is expected to live.  Also among the fatally wounded were U.S District Judge John Roll, Giffords aide and probably most upsetting, a nine year old girl.  The young man that was the gunman is 22 year old Jared Loughner.  The police suspect that he had mental issues and that he acted alone.  For the full story you can visit azcentral.com or cnn.com.  http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2011/01/08/20110108arizona-giffords-brk.html

22 Year Old Gunman Jared Loughner

It breaks my heart that people tend to think the only way to fix a situation is to go on a killing spree.  This young man obviously had an issue with authority figures and our U.S government.  I will not pretend to understand nor will I pretend to not understand.  We have all had our doubts about our own government.  This is no secret.  We may all pretend we would go to an extreme but some obviously feel the need to act. Most disturbing about this young boy is that he posted on his Myspace this morning saying Goobye to his friends.  Photos on his social networking site including pictures of his semi-automatic handgun and a video of himself burning the American flag.  He voices his opinion on Youtube that he is worried about the literacy rate and that few people in the country speak English now.  He went on further on his Youtube rant to say that "The government is implying mind control and brainwash on the people by controlling grammar."

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2011/01/08/20110108arizona-congresswoman-gabrielle-giffords-shooting-suspect08brk-ON.html#ixzz1AUyBhVD2

following are the videos from Youtube posted by the gunman.

Our youth needs to be educated as well as all Americans.  We need to understand the government that we are supposed to believe in.  Violence is not the answer to changing what we do not like or do not understand.  There is always another solution.  If you don't like what you see going on in your world then do something to make a change.  You may only be one person but it only takes one person to start a revolution.

Extraordinary Women Vol. 1

After Joining the Army

Aunt Artie and Uncle Dale Cairo, Egypt

Aunt Artie in Italy

This classic beauty is none other than my Great Aunt Artemisa Gomez-Hughes.  Now in her late 80's or early 90's (depending on who you ask) this women is still one of the most inspirational people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  Artie has lived a phenomenal life.  She has survived hardships and enjoyed bliss.  Not only did she sing and dance for royalty in Egypt, but she also found love there.  I have never known her to be an old woman no matter her age.  When she used to watch me as a child, she cleaned the church everyday, taught the ballet folklorico and went to jazzercise.  Recently she was hit by a car while crossing the street and just a few short months later she is back to normal.  There is no keeping this woman down.  She was part of the army during WWII and no matter the time she lived in she remained well educated.  I don't like to play favorites but she is by far my favorite Great Aunt and one of my favorite people in the entire world.  I think that we all could take a lesson from her and never stop doing what we love.  She has not stopped living just because she has gotten older.  She has never separated herself from the family and what I find most significant is that she is still sharp as a tack!  I only hope that when I get older I will share the same qualities as her.  Her love story is one that should have movies written about it.  My Aunt and her husband Dale met in Cairo, Egypt.  They were both in the army at the time and while watching a movie he leaned over to his friend and said "See that woman down there?  That's the woman I am going to marry."  Just think, this was even before they knew each other.  That is a story that fairy tales are made of.  About 60 years later they are still married.  Due to the fabulous life she has lead there have been numerous stories written about her in newspapers.  There was even a television program that aired last year on Univision about her life.  She appeared on the cover of a local book called "They Opened Their Hearts: Tucson Elders Tell Stories of WWII to the Youth."  If we learn anything at all from this woman we should learn that we need to live more, love more and strive to be the best person we can.  Love you Tia Artemisa.

Here is a link to an article that was written about her in 2008.  The story starts on page 10.  I hope you enjoy!
http://assets.mediaspanonline.com/prod/1181189/dln_07042008A24.pdf

My Sissy's First Blog Post

Birds Eye View: First day of the rest of my life....: "I'm one of the lucky ones. I have to admit. I have had a great life. Im 33 years old, have a good job, in excellent health (other than this ..."

I think I may have sparked a new trend in my family. LOL make sure to check out my big sister's blog. She just started it but I assure you that it is definitely going to be something you want to explore steadily. Show her love guys!

Come on LADIES!

Ladies, I have a bone to pick with you.  Ever since I was in high school I have been listening to women talk about they wish they could find a good man.  We as a gender are always complaining that there are no good men left in the world.  We say that we don't want to settle for less than we believe we are worth.  Yet, majority of women I know and are friends with are settling for men who are way less than worthy of their fabulosity.  Unfortunately due to past relationships and being jaded by unworthy men, many women fail to realize a good man when they see one.  I am gonna use a friend of mine as an example.  To protect her identity lets just call her "B.B".  Well BB has always had good men throwing themselves at her.  Whether they were professionals or athletes she has always had a good man within her reach.  Unfortunately BB has this issue with getting close to anyone.  Most of the time I want to shake the shit out of her.  She has had bad relationship after bad relationship.  Seems that she falls for the guys that don't want a commitment and have someone else in their lives.  Now she has met a perfect gentleman.  This man has cooked for her twice already, helped her son with his homework and takes BB to lunch every chance he gets.  When they are alone his phone does not ring, he does not have pictures of other chicks around and when they are out in public he is affectionate.  He treats her like a lady and he truly respects her.  But guess what?  She said she is confused as to whether he's genuine or not.  WTF!!! Come on girls!  Since when do we feel the need to question a good man?  When a lying cheating man comes in the picture we believe every word out of their mouths.  Yet a good man who is genuine and true we question....  Does this seem backwards to anyone else?  It's a new year and we aren't getting any younger.  Instead of saying what we don't want in a man why not look for what we DO want.  You are all worth more than you think.  Don't settle for less and don't question something that feels right.

Forget getting a job, Just be a teen mom?!

The idea of teenage girls having babies is nothing new.  Girls have since the beginning of time been giving birth in their early teenage years.  In the past it was natural and expected due to the fact that the life span of humans was shorter.  Now that we are living longer don't you think it's time that these kids wait a little longer before popping out babies?  The show Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant on MTV are truly the worst shows I've ever seen.  Talk about children growing up without any parental supervision.  These girls are with men that do not care about them, are cheating on them or are denying the baby to be theirs.  Don't get me wrong a few of the girls decided to give the baby up for adoption and in my opinion this is the best thing for all parties involved.  I have known several people that were pregnant in high school.  One girl I know is my age now, has 3 children and her oldest is about to be 11.  But with reality shows like this what message are we truly sending the youth of today?  Not only are they watching this show thinking that they aren't going to be like that, that they could handle a baby.  But they are also learning that the girls from these shows are getting paid anywhere from 140,000 to 300,000 dollars a year!  WTF?!  Seriously it seems more lucrative these days to get knocked up, be in a bad situation and exploit not only your life but the life of your family and child.  Shows like this make me sick.  Just think these are going to be the future of our generation.  These are the women and men that will be the future.  Most of the girls do not have solid relationships with their parents or with their significant others.  If you ask me sex should be discussed more openly in schools and with the family.  I don't think many teenagers understand the severity of having sex.  Teen pregnancy seems to be a never ending cycle.  So many teen moms are the product of a teen mom themselves.  The cycle needs to end somewhere.

LMAO

  

This post is really random but these hats make me laugh.  One of my best friends showed me the "Stack Bread" (the brown one) hat a fews months ago.  I just thought it was the cutest thing.  So I showed my 15 year old brother a picture of it on the internet and immediately he said he had to have one.  Then I found out that the guy who makes these hats is actually a local artist from ARIZONA!! Who would've thunk that in AZ there are some actual talented people with style? LOL  Anyway I just thought I would share these with all of you and put a little smile on your face hopefully!

This makes me want to throw up

So bored at work today I start looking through gossip webpages.  I came across a picture that made my stomach hurt so hard from laughing.  This picture is to the left.  Seriously though Kim? What made me laugh even harder is the article that followed. Apparently this reality star is now trying to make music.  If I wasn't already completely sick of her as it was this just put me over the limit.  First Paris Hilton, then Lindsey Lohan and now Kim Kardashian.  WTF??!! Just because people enjoy following your dysfunctional family and all of your drama does not mean that the music world wants to hear about it as well.  And to make things even worse is that The Dream actually produced the music for her!  Then we have people like Ciara and Kanye encouraging this foolishness.  SMH.  Why can't these famous for no reason lames leave music to actual talented musicians?  No one wants to hear your voice distorted by auto tune because you can't carry a note.  Now that I have ranted about all of that does anyone else think that her played out cornrow look remind you of an early 2000's J-Lo?  LMAO.  I'm sorry but this picture makes me think J-Lo during her diddy years.  Hopefully this isn't a still from her music video because I'm just waiting for SHINY SUIT MAN to make a cameo in the background.  Come on world stop giving these no talent hoes and lames reason to be even more popular.  I'm not ashamed to say it I"M ANIT KARDASHIAN (i can deal with Khloe though.)