BDBM Syndrome

Seems that there is a trend within my generation that has been increasing over the past 10 years or so. Let's call in the BDBM (Baby Daddy Baby Momma) Syndrome. Young men and women are having sex without protection. Many times this results in the impregnation of the young woman. Now the man and woman are not necessarily in a relationship. Hell sometimes they may not even know the others last name. But nonetheless when it's all said and done, a child results from this "relationship." And please believe me I use the term relationship loosely in this case.

To get further into the topic let me break down the whole BDBM definition. A man's "baby momma" is a woman who has birthed his child or children but they are not in a romantic relationship. So it's easy to guess a woman's "baby daddy" is one in the same. Now the trend is deeper than men and women having children out of wedlock or love or whatever. The bigger issue is how the passion that was once between the two parents (or maybe there wasn't any passion), is gone and hatred settles in.

Too many times we hear men complaining about their baby momma and women complaining about their baby daddy. I have more than an issue with this. Yes it is safe to say that all relationships do not end amicably. Break ups hurt and hearts get broken. But when you have a child with that person you have to put your personal feelings aside so they do not get in the way of the upbringing of the child. Ladies stop telling your BD he can't see his child until he pays you child support. A man should not have to pay to see his child. If he wants to be in their life then let him. There are too many men already that don't want to take care of the children they are producing so why stop one that wants to be there? Don't get me wrong there are always exceptions to the rules. If you let your BD see your child just as much as you see them then there would be no need for child support. He would support the child when they were with him and you would support the child when they were with you.

Now men. Stop getting upset with your BM when she starts dating another man. If you two are not together then it is really not your place to tell her who she can and can't date. If all you want to be is a BD then stay in your lane. The same also applies to women .You cannot get mad at your BD if he has a girlfriend. How and when the new partner meets the child should be discussed between the parents. I have so many friends that use the BDBM syndrome as an excuse to just keep that person in their daily lives.  But honestly, is arguing and being upset all the time with one person really worth it? Does it really set a good example for the children?

To wrap this up let's review:
1. Start using protection! Condoms, birth control, diaphragm.... JUST USE SOMETHING!
2. If a child is conceived come to some type of friendly arrangement with the other parent.
3. Do not argue over money unless it is necessary. And ladies if you are going to be calling the father every single time you need a diaper, a bottle or a wipe then you were too broke to have a child in the first place. Or vice versa to you men.
4. A child is a human being, not a way to get: revenge, love, sympathy, comfort or any other emotional feeling.
5. Do not get jealous of the other parent when they begin to date someone new. You are not together so do not start to argue.

Children are expensive. They require a lot of time, money and attention. Being a parent is not for play. This is real life and unless you are ready to bring another human being into this world and be part in raising that child to be an adult then don't get pregnant. Pregnancy is avoidable. Be smart when it comes to sex. It can be very fun and exciting but it's not something to be taken too lightly.


I don't have children so it's obvious I don't have a BD. But I have dated men that have children. It's not always easy. I've known my ex for almost 10 years and never once have I met his children. I understand that a woman doesn't want just any person around her child and men feel the same way. So, when is the time then? I've always wondered when do people with children decide it's ok to meet the new love of their lives? I guess it is different for everyone. When something like children are involved things can get complicated for everyone in the situation. A new life affects more than the person carrying it.

Late Night Mind Wanderings

Sometimes all the words that a woman wants to hear is "I Love You." But when the words are just words with no meaning do we still want to hear them? I wonder at times do we just want to have the thought of being loved thrown out there or do we truly and deeply want to have someone love us? Unfortunately there are so many people that just throw these words around nowadays. I can't lie and say that I've never said it when I didn't mean it. I have told a few people I love them because they said it first and it was an awkward moment.  I never really used to think about love or relationships like I do now.  I'm not sure if the topics float around more in my mind now because I am older or because I alone.  Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being single.  I love being able to what I want when I want without it affecting anyone else.  I enjoy sleeping in my own bed by myself and being lazy on the weekends looking a mess if I feel like it.  Then there are those days when that bed isn't so great being all empty.  Or those Saturday nights out on the town with a bunch of rowdy twenty somethings really isn't that much fun.  Even though I'm an amazing single woman who has a lot going for her, it would be nice to have someone to come home to every now and then.  Ok, I'm not Betty Crocker nor Martha Stewart but I wouldn't mind having someone to cook for at night.  Maybe the answer to my sporadic loneliness isn't a man.  Maybe I just need a puppy. LMAO Honestly though, is it just me that wonders is it time to stop the clubbing and get serious about my life?  Maybe it is time to stop bar hopping and focus on being an adult.  I don't know anymore.  The clubs are fun and I enjoy spending time with my friends.  But then again I like being at home in the comfort of my room.  I guess there is enough time in my life to still do both.  Back to the love idea now.   Is it the words that many of us are just looking for or do we really want to be in a committed loving relationship?  Personally I'm not sure.  My ex used to tell me he loved me all the time.  This happened after one 3 or 4 weeks of dating.  I admit it was fast and for that reason I felt that it was just words and they were shallow.  Did I enjoy hearing them? OF COURSE!  It had been years since a man other than my dad had told me that he loves me.  I was basking in the thought that maybe I had actually found a guy that loves me and maybe I could love him back.  Then I realized I was a girlfriend now.  That's when the fear set in.  The phone calls started all day long asking where I was and what I was doing.  Then it's like I was a child again.  I felt as if I had to check in with my parents or I would get in trouble.  All I could think was "Is hearing I love you really worth it?"  I was making a lot of sacrifice just for a few words and a feeling they gave me when they were said.  Finally after arguing all the damn time with the kid I gave up and told him we had to go separate ways.  He swears he still loves me.  But honestly can you fall in love with someone without knowing that much about them?  Many people say that they believe in love at first sight.  But I have a feeling that its not love at first sight they are feeling but the hope that they could fall in love and maybe that person is the one they will settle for.  Well ladies and gentlemen this is one lady who is never again going to just settle.  Watch out LOVE cause I'll be watching you and all your little tricks you like to play.

"Time to throw the bouquet! All the single ladies to the dance floor!"

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in the life of my cousin Pamela.  Today is her wedding day.  This has to be a special time for her and her future husband but this day also has me thinking about my own future.  Ironically enough I was one of those people that always thought marriage and kids was not for me. I swore that I never wanted to have children and that I never wanted to be tied down to one person for the rest of my life.  But of course I grew up.  I'm now 26 years old and feel the weight of 30 creeping up on me slowly.  I'm a sucker for romance and true love so I'm trying to prepare myself for any type of emotion that I might be feeling later on today.  It's good to know that some people still believe in the unity of marriage and that not everyone feels romance is dead.  So many people my age don't hold the same morals and traditions that I do.  No longer are the days of first comes marriage then comes baby.  Nowadays we see the baby first and luckily marriage to someone other than the child's other parent down the line.  I may seem old fashioned but doesn't it just seem easier and better for all involved if marriage comes first?  Yes, divorce does exist and marriage is not a sure thing all the time.  I come from a family of divorce but they have each found love again and remain civil with one another.  But let me say this, my parents were married for 18 years, have 2 wonderful children from that marriage and many upon many happy memories.  People (including myself) laugh at the commercials on TV for Match.com or eHarmony.  But just think, how hard is it these days to find someone serious about being married?  Personally I haven't met one guy that wants to get married any time soon.  I know that many people may think that I'm still young and should just keep having fun and I agree to a point.  I'm not in a rush to marry.  I would like to be in a long term relationship before the thought of marriage even happens.  But I can say that I don't want to just be finding true love when I'm over 35.  It would be nice to find someone within the next year or so.  Are traditional men really that hard to find nowadays?