BDBM Syndrome

Seems that there is a trend within my generation that has been increasing over the past 10 years or so. Let's call in the BDBM (Baby Daddy Baby Momma) Syndrome. Young men and women are having sex without protection. Many times this results in the impregnation of the young woman. Now the man and woman are not necessarily in a relationship. Hell sometimes they may not even know the others last name. But nonetheless when it's all said and done, a child results from this "relationship." And please believe me I use the term relationship loosely in this case.

To get further into the topic let me break down the whole BDBM definition. A man's "baby momma" is a woman who has birthed his child or children but they are not in a romantic relationship. So it's easy to guess a woman's "baby daddy" is one in the same. Now the trend is deeper than men and women having children out of wedlock or love or whatever. The bigger issue is how the passion that was once between the two parents (or maybe there wasn't any passion), is gone and hatred settles in.

Too many times we hear men complaining about their baby momma and women complaining about their baby daddy. I have more than an issue with this. Yes it is safe to say that all relationships do not end amicably. Break ups hurt and hearts get broken. But when you have a child with that person you have to put your personal feelings aside so they do not get in the way of the upbringing of the child. Ladies stop telling your BD he can't see his child until he pays you child support. A man should not have to pay to see his child. If he wants to be in their life then let him. There are too many men already that don't want to take care of the children they are producing so why stop one that wants to be there? Don't get me wrong there are always exceptions to the rules. If you let your BD see your child just as much as you see them then there would be no need for child support. He would support the child when they were with him and you would support the child when they were with you.

Now men. Stop getting upset with your BM when she starts dating another man. If you two are not together then it is really not your place to tell her who she can and can't date. If all you want to be is a BD then stay in your lane. The same also applies to women .You cannot get mad at your BD if he has a girlfriend. How and when the new partner meets the child should be discussed between the parents. I have so many friends that use the BDBM syndrome as an excuse to just keep that person in their daily lives.  But honestly, is arguing and being upset all the time with one person really worth it? Does it really set a good example for the children?

To wrap this up let's review:
1. Start using protection! Condoms, birth control, diaphragm.... JUST USE SOMETHING!
2. If a child is conceived come to some type of friendly arrangement with the other parent.
3. Do not argue over money unless it is necessary. And ladies if you are going to be calling the father every single time you need a diaper, a bottle or a wipe then you were too broke to have a child in the first place. Or vice versa to you men.
4. A child is a human being, not a way to get: revenge, love, sympathy, comfort or any other emotional feeling.
5. Do not get jealous of the other parent when they begin to date someone new. You are not together so do not start to argue.

Children are expensive. They require a lot of time, money and attention. Being a parent is not for play. This is real life and unless you are ready to bring another human being into this world and be part in raising that child to be an adult then don't get pregnant. Pregnancy is avoidable. Be smart when it comes to sex. It can be very fun and exciting but it's not something to be taken too lightly.


I don't have children so it's obvious I don't have a BD. But I have dated men that have children. It's not always easy. I've known my ex for almost 10 years and never once have I met his children. I understand that a woman doesn't want just any person around her child and men feel the same way. So, when is the time then? I've always wondered when do people with children decide it's ok to meet the new love of their lives? I guess it is different for everyone. When something like children are involved things can get complicated for everyone in the situation. A new life affects more than the person carrying it.

Should I Care What You Think?

In life there are always going to be people that think differently than you.  There are always going to be those people who talk about you and your decisions.  The question is are you going to let the thoughts and words of others dictate what you do in your own life?  Personally I say fuck em!  Too many times in life we let the opinions of others shape our own opinions.  This seems to happy most within circles of friends.  If a fight happens between two friends then you are automatically expected to take a side.  Both of the two in the argument will plead their cases to you and then you are expected to make a decision.  Or lets say that you are around someone who is in a bad mood.  If we become in a bad mood after being around this person we naturally blame them for our change in mood.  But honestly how can someone other than ourselves be responsible for how we feel?  I don't know about you, but I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I feel.  We focus too much on what others think these days.  We base our clothing, our language, our makeup, our choice in music and even what we eat depending on what others will say about us.  Oh no don't wear that color green!  Someone will make fun of you.  Well you know what? FUCK EM.  If they make fun of you it is out of their own insecurities.  Now I will not sit here and act like I'm innocent.  I have plenty of times made fun of others.  And I have also been the one made fun of.  I have changed my clothes just so no one would notice me.  I have also watched what I say for fear that someone would mock me.  Those days are over for me.  So why not be over for you?  If it makes you happy, DO IT.  If you're absolutely comfortable, WEAR IT!  If you think you're 100 percent right and it feels good, then SAY IT!  No longer should we base our values and opinions on those of others.  So from now on I'm on my FUCK EM theory.  You don't like what I say, do or how I act then FUCK U too. I will not apologize for feeling this way because unlike the others, I do not care what you say about me.